Faded Constellations
by Isilmee
Summary: Bellatrix Lestrange's thoughts during that final battle with Sirius Black. It's hard to kill someone you played with when you were a child, but sometimes you just don't have a choice. COMPLETE


Faded Constellations

By Isilmee

Disclaimer: Everything you recognize from the Harry Potter series is the property of JK Rowling… but this fic's all mine. ü

Author's Note: The idea for this story came into my head some time after I finished reading Order of the Phoenix, and it _would not go away! _So I definitely had to write it. It's really short, I know, but hopefully the content more than makes up for the length. Enjoy! Ü

Tonks ducks, but she is not fast enough to avoid my hex. People rarely are.

I watch in satisfaction as her limp form topples down the stone steps, finally falling in a crumpled heap to the floor.

"Weakling," I mutter before running to join my comrades.

Sirius Black blocks my path. "Long time no see, Bella. How've you been doing?"

_"You!" _I hiss, the bile rising up my throat. "The traitor… the disgrace…"

"I've missed you, too," he says sarcastically.

I am struck by the hate I see in his dark eyes. Not just plain dislike, but bitter, venomous, all-consuming hate.

_Don't you remember me? _I want to ask him. _We played together when we were children. Why do you look at me like that?_

The words, mercifully, do not come. Because I know I am looking at him in the same way.

And I _do _hate him. I hate him for betraying his family, for interfering with the Dark Lord's glorious plans for wizardkind.

But, as we duel, memories come rushing back to me like a flash flood. I cannot hold them at bay. In between shouted spells and incantations, I remember…_the look on Narcissa's face when Sirius turned her hair blue… the stomachache I got after he and I ate all the Every Flavor Beans in the pantry… _While dodging his jinxes and retaliating with my own, I remember… _that burning sensation as my first sip of Firewhisky slid down m throat ("Go on," Sirius had urged me, "be a man--- er, woman,")… his cries as a dog chased him up a tree for stepping on its tail… _And then, when his spell grazes my shoulder and I suck in my breath at the searing pain, I remember, as clearly as if it had happened yesterday… _the scent of freshly-cut grass and the feel of cool evening breeze as we lay on our backs and tried to name all the constellations in the vast, star-studded sky…_

Those were my memories, memories of a childhood long gone, of a friendship that was never meant to last.

When you and I grew older, Sirius, we began to believe in different things. Regulus, Narcissa and I were drawn to the Dark Arts… but you and Andromeda chose the Light… the weak side…

_"Expelliarmus!" _I cry. The Disarming Spell knocks him off balance, but he regains his footing after a moment.

I will never admit this out loud, but there were times when I envied you for escaping the insanity that wrapped its coils around me… until it was so tight that I could not break free, no matter how much I wanted to… I was in too deep…

_"Crucio!" _He sinks to his knees, eyes squeezed shut in pain. He lies on the ground, twitching. After what seems like hours, he grasps his wand tighter and utters the countercurse.

And I wonder why I did not finish him off when he was helpless. But a part of me already knows the answer.

I feel nothing for Nymphadora, Sirius. Nothing. Even though she is my niece, my sister's daughter, I can kill her without blinking… and perhaps I already have…

_YOU, however, are different, because…_

_Because the first time I saw your face, it was not haggard, not wasted… it was smiling and full of health… and we were both six years old and stuck in a boring family get-together, and you asked me if I wanted to play…_

_"Impedimenta!" _I step aside, barely managing to avoid the Impediment Jinx. He follows up with the Reductor Curse, which tears a hole in my robe. I shriek, glaring at him with anger and hate, the only emotions that were keeping me from breaking down completely… the only things I had left to hold on to during this duel with this man, who had once been a boy, who had once given me a bunch of violets for my eighth birthday.

The last time I saw you, you were standing outside my bedroom window, telling me that you were running away from home, and that you were never coming back… your voice was calm and your expression was as unreadable as stone… even though we'd already grown apart by then, you still came to say goodbye, and to warn me about the path I'd taken, the life I'd chosen to live… and we were almost sixteen then… and that had been more than ten years ago… 

And now, I have become what you despise, and you have become what I must destroy.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Dumbledore arrive. It is time to end this, once and for all.

_"STUPEFY!" _I yell. A blast of red light shoots out of my wand.

It narrowly misses my cousin, who laughs and taunts me, "Come on, you can do better than that." He is grinning… the same way he grinned when he stole my mother's wand and taught me how to cast spells… Amazingly, Sirius' voice, a much younger voice, floats back into my mind… _"Just keep your eye on the target, Bella. Don't worry about messing up. No one gets it right the first time."_

The second jet of red light hits him squarely on the chest.

And I watch, as his eyes widen in shock, as he sinks backward through the veil… I watch, as he falls through the ancient doorway and disappears, forever… I watch, with a pounding heart, as the veil flutters for a moment, then falls back into place.

And then I scream. A scream of sweet madness, of triumph.

Or, perhaps…

A scream to erase the memories of blue hair and Every Flavor Beans and Firewhisky and infuriated dogs… to deny the former existence of a mischievous grin and twinkling dark eyes, set in a handsome face…

A scream to drown out the whisper of the evening breeze, and the chirping of crickets hidden in the bush, and the voice of a young boy saying, "No, silly, Virgo is over _there… _no, wait, I think that's Libra…"

The End

Author's Note: Well, what did you think? I must have been in a really depressed mood when I wrote this, but I'm kinda proud of it. ü This is the first time I've tried writing in the present tense and using flashbacks. I hope I didn't mess up too badly… and I also hope that my characterization of Bellatrix Lestrange was fairly accurate, given the circumstances. Yes, I know that in OOTP, when Sirius and Harry talked about Bellatrix, Sirius said, "_She's _certainly not my family." But he could've been hiding something there (it's so much fun trying to read between the lines, don't you think?), like childhood memories that were just too painful to be dredged up. And that is the whole basis of the fic.

Okay, so that's it, then! Comments and constructive criticism would be very much appreciated. Please don't hesitate to point out any errors in grammar, spelling, etcetera. In other words… REVIEW! ü 


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